The island is quiet tonight, summer tourists long gone. A cool breeze sneaks through this light coat. Dolphins ply the bay. A perfect moon hangs above the endless Gulf at the end of this fall day.
I once dreamed of living on an Island, and now I do. Careful for what you ask, because you might just get it. An Island can be a very lonely place. It's getting harder to stay every day.
I will remember the cast of characters that I will leave behind, for a start, here are two.
Edward - Lives in a tent, tucked away in the bushes by design. He believes he is a warlock. His "God Job," is to kill outlaw bikers in their dream. He speaks of Gods and Goddesses, spell casting in the wee hours of the night. He rambles colorful words painted on a jet black future. He has nothing, but at least he is free.
Robert - He is haunted by the demon of inward obsession and what other people think. He full of advice, yet angers at a correction. Institutionalized in a simple yet never ending maze of self help. I never know if I'll run into the happy Robert of he who is full of rage.
I am though the biggest character of all, yet I doubt many could describe. I let very few inside.
I offer up Gratitude to the only one who never disappoints, I'll lean over and turn out the light.
Good Night.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Blogging from on hi
Just thought it would be neat to blog from 40,000 feet! That's over 7 miles high, and it's -67f outside my window. Not that I've thought of opening it. I'm over the Gulf of Mexico south of Grand Isle LA and down below, I can see only inky dark and hundreds of oil platforms.
Some Roads lead to Nowhere
The cleaning, packing, phone calls to friends I didn't get to see. The saying and waving to , those of whom I am close, the hugging and kissing the ones I love; time to say goodbye.
Swim in the uncertain
Ocean of Fear
Dreaming of the day I'll return
and Dance with those who I hold dear. - PAS
I'm so afraid,
if it were not for faith,
I would certainly take my life.
The hope to which I cling,
the light at the end of the tunnel,
the end of these years in the wilderness,
is soon to come. - PAS
I have a few hours left, before I board that plane back into the chaos of uncertainty. Tomorrow at work, I will look around and wonder if I was never here. I will return to that sad little empty room at the end of the day and lay my head down, and give thanks to the Lord for carrying me through another day. Lord it be your will, I ask that you bring me peace. I ask for a miracle, from which you then lead me home.
Swim in the uncertain
Ocean of Fear
Dreaming of the day I'll return
and Dance with those who I hold dear. - PAS
I'm so afraid,
if it were not for faith,
I would certainly take my life.
The hope to which I cling,
the light at the end of the tunnel,
the end of these years in the wilderness,
is soon to come. - PAS
I have a few hours left, before I board that plane back into the chaos of uncertainty. Tomorrow at work, I will look around and wonder if I was never here. I will return to that sad little empty room at the end of the day and lay my head down, and give thanks to the Lord for carrying me through another day. Lord it be your will, I ask that you bring me peace. I ask for a miracle, from which you then lead me home.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
The fading past
My grandfather is slipping away, a little more each day. I setup some chairs in the garage today, and invited him to sit outside with me. I put on big band music and sat with him for some time. He asked me if I knew his son Don, that he was in a band. I explained he was my father, and that I am his grandson.
He laughed, and said "Really?", a big smile on his face.
Grandpa said "Wait here a moment, I want to show you something."
He slowly got up from the chair and made his way into the house, returning shortly after with a small framed picture in his hand.
"Have I ever shown you this picture before?"
He held the picture up to me, it was a photo of him and my grandmother at the beach in Coney Island, New York. Taken some time in the 30's. The two of them in bathing suits, playing in the surf.
"Yes, I've seen that picture, dont you remember? I was the one who took the picture from your wallet and enlarged it for that picture frame?"
"You Did, " he said in disbelief.
Where do the memories go? I realize now that our pasts mean so little, that in the end, it is all just time gone by. It makes me realize how important today, and only in this moment, is anything really of the utmost importance.
Grandmother arrived on the driveway and we were soon dispatched as she made lunch for my grandfather, and after disappeared into their room for an afternoon nap. So greatful am I for the short time I am able to spend with the both of them, as I suspect upon my next visit, nothing will ever be the same.
Florida is my home, I've come to realize, its time to move back home. I don't know how I'll get here yet, but I know it will be soon. There are things in my life in Texas that have come drastically unraveled. It is only through faith that I am able to carry myself through each day. I moved to Texas in order to be closer to my children, but I realize now that a six hour drive from them is just as far as a four hour trip on a jet. I've only seen them two times since moving to Texas, both for a very brief time. It's time to go home and start living my life again, and stop chasing the dreams of my past.
He laughed, and said "Really?", a big smile on his face.
Grandpa said "Wait here a moment, I want to show you something."
He slowly got up from the chair and made his way into the house, returning shortly after with a small framed picture in his hand.
"Have I ever shown you this picture before?"
He held the picture up to me, it was a photo of him and my grandmother at the beach in Coney Island, New York. Taken some time in the 30's. The two of them in bathing suits, playing in the surf.
"Yes, I've seen that picture, dont you remember? I was the one who took the picture from your wallet and enlarged it for that picture frame?"
"You Did, " he said in disbelief.
Where do the memories go? I realize now that our pasts mean so little, that in the end, it is all just time gone by. It makes me realize how important today, and only in this moment, is anything really of the utmost importance.
Grandmother arrived on the driveway and we were soon dispatched as she made lunch for my grandfather, and after disappeared into their room for an afternoon nap. So greatful am I for the short time I am able to spend with the both of them, as I suspect upon my next visit, nothing will ever be the same.
Florida is my home, I've come to realize, its time to move back home. I don't know how I'll get here yet, but I know it will be soon. There are things in my life in Texas that have come drastically unraveled. It is only through faith that I am able to carry myself through each day. I moved to Texas in order to be closer to my children, but I realize now that a six hour drive from them is just as far as a four hour trip on a jet. I've only seen them two times since moving to Texas, both for a very brief time. It's time to go home and start living my life again, and stop chasing the dreams of my past.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Thanksgiving 2012
Yesterday, Thanksgiving 1012 and I had so much to be grateful for. I spent the day with my grandparents, and was able to celebrate the occasion at a restaurant called Nichole's in Lake Worth Florida.
I walked my grandfather from the parking lot, to the front of the restaurant. We were greeted at the front door by the owner.
"Sir, what name is your party under?" said Nichole. I turned to my grandfather, "What is Rosie's last name grandpa?," I asked. "Rosie, I dont know a Rosie," he responded. "Papa, you have known here for at least 60 years, you dont know her last name?" "What is my last name," I asked. He didn't know. It was then I realized, I was really loosing my grandfather, one drop at a time.
In attendance, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Martha, Sheila, Bernice, Rosie and a friend of the cousins. It was great being 45 years younger than anyone at the table. It was not a traditional family dinner, Nichole's had a blue plate 16.95 dinner and everything needed salt. We had a big long table for eight but for some reason Rosie insisted we move tables. We were reseated at a round table next to the wall, one much too small for our group. We were elbow to elbow, good that none of us were left handed.
The banter around the table was politics. My Florida family are staunch democrats, so in part the conversation was celebration of President Obama's victory over Governor Romney. I imagine part of my gratitude is they have all survived another years so that I might celebrate with them. That they lived through out the year without killing each other is a small miracle.
In the name of community I drove everyone home that night. I returned home and reflected on the evening. I gave thanks to the Lord for the day. I gave thanks for my life. I gave thanks for my family and the chance to see them one more time.
I walked my grandfather from the parking lot, to the front of the restaurant. We were greeted at the front door by the owner.
"Sir, what name is your party under?" said Nichole. I turned to my grandfather, "What is Rosie's last name grandpa?," I asked. "Rosie, I dont know a Rosie," he responded. "Papa, you have known here for at least 60 years, you dont know her last name?" "What is my last name," I asked. He didn't know. It was then I realized, I was really loosing my grandfather, one drop at a time.
In attendance, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Martha, Sheila, Bernice, Rosie and a friend of the cousins. It was great being 45 years younger than anyone at the table. It was not a traditional family dinner, Nichole's had a blue plate 16.95 dinner and everything needed salt. We had a big long table for eight but for some reason Rosie insisted we move tables. We were reseated at a round table next to the wall, one much too small for our group. We were elbow to elbow, good that none of us were left handed.
The banter around the table was politics. My Florida family are staunch democrats, so in part the conversation was celebration of President Obama's victory over Governor Romney. I imagine part of my gratitude is they have all survived another years so that I might celebrate with them. That they lived through out the year without killing each other is a small miracle.
In the name of community I drove everyone home that night. I returned home and reflected on the evening. I gave thanks to the Lord for the day. I gave thanks for my life. I gave thanks for my family and the chance to see them one more time.
Blogging Again
Its been a long time since I last wrote anything in my blog. There have been many who have encouraged me to start blogging again, so here goes. Consider this entry a page break between the past and the future.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Been a While
It's been almost a year since I've posted anything, so here goes. Tarpon Ice House, Port Aransas Texas, drinking diet Coke and watching the gin mill. 
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Let it Roll Baby Roll
I spend three months looking for a Job
In Texas and leave, three months after that, I'm being flown to texas, to interview for a job, and maybe move
To Texas. Wow ... Strange world
In Texas and leave, three months after that, I'm being flown to texas, to interview for a job, and maybe move
To Texas. Wow ... Strange world
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Where To?
The question of the day is, "Where do I go from here." I'm pretty undecided what happens from here on out. I've applied for countless jobs in this area and have yet to receive even a question or phone interview. I've applied for jobs mopping floors and nobody seems interested. It's getting awful expensive, and I dont know if I can stay here for much longer. I was going to leave for the east coast on Monday, I just couldnt bring myself in leaving my kids though. Short of a miricle, I will have to leave next week, I cant afford staying in a hotel anymore and cant bring myself back to living in my van.
Luke 14:26-27
26“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
This week I had much put on my heart when it comes to this verse. What Jesus is saying is, if your not willing to lay it all on the line to follow me, then you cannot be a disciple. What this means is, I've been chasing all the wrong things. I need to put my focus 100% upon Jesus and follow him, everything else will then fall into where God wants them to be. This means God comes first, before anyone, including my children.
As the week goes on, more will be revealed.
Luke 14:26-27
26“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
This week I had much put on my heart when it comes to this verse. What Jesus is saying is, if your not willing to lay it all on the line to follow me, then you cannot be a disciple. What this means is, I've been chasing all the wrong things. I need to put my focus 100% upon Jesus and follow him, everything else will then fall into where God wants them to be. This means God comes first, before anyone, including my children.
As the week goes on, more will be revealed.
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