Acid Rain

As if on a moon lit night,
and a few stars one can see in the sky,
that north cold front blew in and darkened that lie.

All those things we beloved in,
those truths we held so close to our hearts,
the very things they used tore us apart.

Never dreams, Just creatures of the night,
wake in a cold soaked sweat, leaned up,
wiped the tear from my eye,
when did they become nothing more than screams.
How did I get lost in-between.

I cant see the end in sight
They say it's there
over here
maybe in faith a leap
but how can I tell in this desert heat.

When walking became a crawl,
if there were hope at all
If time heals all things
When the hell does it begin

Some you ask
when is it going to rain
all I wanna know is
when is it going to stop.

Turn the Page -- Once again.

To the girl with long curly locks of hair, we have but a few precious moments in time, before you disappear in the back window, waving goodbye. I cant express in accurate words, how much being with you this summer has meant to me. A summer that seemed to have ended way too soon.

Your daddy loves you, so very much. Soon you will be so far away. You asked if you could come again next summer, to the beach here on the Texas sunny south side. Honey I said you were always welcome here, but I told a partial lie. I  have no idea where I will be tomorrow, less next year, but how do you say that, and not sound like a gypsy soul.

There are so many things that have happened, out of my control. My life is upside down, I've done all I can to shield you from my pain. The truth is, I move forward now, not knowing if I'll ever see anyone again. It's become the only way I've learned how to survive. There will come a day, perhaps, I will find the me I always wanted to be. I look in the mirror and what I see is the wall in back, but nothing that looks like me.

I'm so filled with misery and pain, from which I don't know how to let go. You were stolen from me, your childhood years, of which has caused me years of tears. I hope someday, I'll get that chance to tell you the story of a man who chased his children, tried to reclaim his wife, and lost everything, and cling onto life. The reason I still breath, is that I could not do to you, what I so much want to do to myself.

Love you

Daddy

My Job - Life Changer And Its Not What One Thinks

In my book of dreams, pages appear and sometimes they go. What would life be without them, I knew that feeling, it then finally did go. When I put down the bottle, and started this new path, it's been less than easy, perhaps I'll find peace one day, in one of those chapters, but for now I wait.

He led his people out of bondage, where they toiled in slavery for hundreds of years. Great miracles he performed in the great escape, only for them to complain and complain. So there they remained for another generation, as their father led them from Egypt and set them free, the promised land of milk and honey they shall never see. For the father took them from bondages they knew well, but I as know all to well, change brings fear. She's being my biggest enemy, they rebelled. He took them from the irons, and cast down their plowshares. and into freedom, only for want to return. It was then it was what he already knew, he would have to take them out of Egypt but before their Journey forward, take the Egypt out of them.

So I wait, in my desert, as He had already brought me to my knee's. In the darkest hours, he sent me an angel, to save me from myself. I wait here in the desert, to find him in myself. My darkest hours, though yet still here, are not as dark as once they were, but  today have hints of clouds of grey.

In my book of dreams I have a few numbered lists of shameless pride, those things one wishes, yet may never get to do. Written in red, though is the line of my destiny, those line I'm called to do, the directions to the promised land, if I'd only get up and do.

Put out your hand, to those who have hurts, habits  and hang-ups and give them a shoulder to lean. When they are ready, or if the time is right, relate to them in my testimony, there is another life. That they need not be sick in soul anymore, and there is a new way of life. It is my lot in life to leave this planet earth, a little better when I got here, my legacy is the changes though Him he allows me to changes lives.

To every season - same old song and dance

The Season's changed, Winter Texans packing and getting ready to head home. My island bustles with the first Summer tourists of the year. The quiet and solitude of Saturday gone for another year. Breakfast at San Juan's, outside table, sun not yet high enough to warm the chill in the air. Next week marks two years I've been here in the desert, a thousand miles from home, and not much has changed. Those who own the Island and those who come for the week and go home.

I've made a friend, though I don't see him much, started out with him threatening to kill me, thinking I was a spy for the FBI, to his admitting he was wrong about me, I was better then I seemed. He disappears to where from time and again, to where I cant even begin. A love for central Mexico, he disappears, sometimes it's just the other side of the bay, but in those seldom moments we meet, I realize I'm not the only one who's a bit strange.

No clouds in the sky, beautiful day, everyone in a rush, in a hurry to go somewhere, nowhere, its an Island you can only go so far. Trying to fit a years worth I guess in a weeks short time. Yet I realize my time is short too, fitting in life, just the day or two, each week I get away from across the bay, the machine that will eat you alive if you let it, chew you up and spit you out if you let it, or work until finally one dies. Life is truly but a vapor, seasons are but moments snapshots in time.

Today, what to do, I guess the yearly flea market opens, maybe we'll give it a try. I'll take my girl for a ride across the channel, and look for oddities amongst the piles. She'll pick out a thing or two, maybe I'll even find a treasure or two. I have a feeling though, not much to be had, I guess there isn't too much that makes me happy, It's been too many years, I've felt nothing, just a deep disconnected personality tied to sad.

My life tied to this keyboard, the place of emotional untying, those long tentacles that unless I struggle from release what's left will leave me dying. Trying for change, yet that's my greatest fear, to be abandoned, marooned on a island, just in sight of land, not wanting to leave, but to stay is hell. The story of my life here sitting on the fence, caught between the hell that pays me to live out these weekends and the couple of days left, and the purpose to which I'm called I know tugs at my heart, when to do something is left to others before I can depart.

Everyone's in a hurry to where I don't know, it's Island time and the greed of temporary freedom pulls their strings. I'll cross the bay today, for a moment or two, and realize I've left my Island, feeling lost and ready to go home too, the only place that makes me feel near to the home I know, so far in the distance, I'm a thousand miles from home.